About a week ago, on 29 June 2024, Saturn stationed retrograde. It took only a day for the energy to break open something deep within me. As I wrote out and recorded some audio, I could feel a new understanding of the hardships I’ve faced repeatedly over the past few years. Years that carried heavy Saturnian themes with them. In fact, it felt as if Saturn had been following me closely since the start of my Saturn return, when the planet of restriction, time, and maturity ingressed into the sign of Capricorn in December of 2017.
Saturn wouldn’t make it within orbit of my own natal Saturn until much later, in February of 2020, but over the summer in 2018 I received a taste of what my nodal opposition would bring me as we, collectively, experienced a new moon eclipse that took place within a very tight opposition of Pluto on 12 July. The nodes would officially move into Cancer and Capricorn in November, later that same year, the south node immediately making contact with my natal Saturn-north node conjunction.
In 2020 I had left my anaretic Saturn return, but had immediately moved into a Saturn ruled profection year, the first of two. Meanwhile, Saturn would continue to transit my Saturn houses, and follow me into my Jupiter 9th house year in 2023, when Saturn would ingress into Pisces that same March where it would sit within a 3º orb of my natal Venus (one of the two planets heavily influencing me that year) for the entire year.
It felt as if I couldn’t escape the lessons this restrictive planet was forcing upon me. A deep need to learn what surrender meant. And so, I encountered trial after trial as I met limitation time and time again. It felt like no amount of preparation could help me navigate the restrictive energies I faced on a daily basis. I would end up spending much of three years’ time in near homelessness.
Diana Rose Harper mentions in an interview with Chris Brennan that Saturn can be really constructive and supportive, but also brings us intense awareness of the reality of the harshness of life.
When I look back over these last several years, there is this new awareness I’ve uncovered as I near that Saturn opening sextile. I see the way in which much of the hardship I encountered was setting me up with hard earned lessons in self reliance, in grounding my own energy, in releasing this state of victimhood I’ve carried with me much of my life. I understand why my actions, which haven’t made sense to many in my life, including myself at times, were exactly as they were. Why I felt like they were the correct actions to take all along the way despite the hardships I kept encountering. I see the way a seventh house Saturn brought lessons on true, grounded independence, and alleviated the facade of independence I had built around me my entire life, denying the help of others out of a fear of being controlled. I can see the inner strength and stability I’ve cultivated and how I can now, healthily, become a support structure, an example for friends and clients alike.
As I continue to peel back the layers of what’s transpired, I see personal growth throughout. Some of this growth was assisted with use of various modalities, some of which include flower essences and homeopathy, others through the assistance of a mentor who kindly offered flexibility where I needed it most. Most recently, a well recommended homeopathic remedy helped resolve the weight of much resentment that has been building within me for many years, maybe even a lifetime. As my days become lighter, I see just how much I felt I was drowning in the depths of my struggles, resentment building around a lack of a support system in my life. And in many ways, this felt like the lesson- no one is here to save you but yourself.
Since this revelation, I’ve been offered the opportunity to witness others in the depths of their own transformation, their own initiations. This familiar apologetic overtone in the vulnerable shares. The awareness that I, myself, have far more space within my own life to hold those stories than ever before, able to happily empower them back to themselves when they feel so very ungrounded, swept away by the circumstance that is their journey.
As I witness my own expansion through these tough Saturnian lessons I notice one in particular coming through clearly recurrently, one that centers around boundaries. The Saturn cycle is a cycle that can be very representative of that process of integrating boundaries in our lives. Around our Saturn return we often find ourselves looking at where we are too soft in these structures, allowing ourselves to be pulled in too many directions, allowing our emotions to be thrown by others’ emotions and reactions and beliefs, allowing ourselves to compromise our own desires and needs.
There’s a cycle we have a tendency to move through when we're learning to set boundaries if we haven’t had the practice previously, we often overshoot. Our boundaries can become like walls, blocking our view entirely. However, much like a state’s borders, a boundary should allow sight beyond it.
There is something to be learned through looking at those who show the greatest, most genuine empathy toward others. With these people, you often see extremely strong boundary setting in their everyday lives. Clear communication before entering arrangements, agreements, communion that allows everyone involved a clear understanding of the path ahead and all the expectations involved. Brene Brown says, “boundaries are a prerequisite for compassion and empathy. We can’t connect with someone unless we’re clear where we end and they begin. If there’s no autonomy between people, then there’s no compassion or empathy, just enmeshment.”
When we express healthy boundaries we can find peace within ourselves. We can genuinely care for others without detriment or resentment, all because we, ourselves, are not lacking.
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