As this 8h year closes out, entering my 7h profected month in only a week, I’m seeing a shift in energy. This last year has been hard. The kind of hard that makes you feel like you’ve been kicked out of Eden, that doors have been shut around you, left to sit with yourself in the dark- maybe emphasized by my natal sun’s placement in this dark house and it’s constant square to uranus and saturn’s steady movement over this place in my chart over the last two years. There has been this sense of disconnection for me this last year, feeling as if I’ve been removed from the 'group,' kind of shifting environments repeatedly every few weeks for months and months on end. It was kicked off at my birthday, a couple of weeks before I was scheduled to leave the place I’d spent my previous winter. Feeling those who had welcomed me several months prior getting increasingly more antsy for my departure. The felt disconnect that soon followed from many of the relationships I’d formed in the months before that felt closer than any I had built previously, disappointing.
In many ways, I’m endlessly grateful to many of the structures I’d started building for myself at the end of 2021, a year that felt incredibly hard in many other ways, an explosion of the life I had been living. As I began this shift, I started a working relationship with my mentor, Cameron (https://www.cadreamplanet.com/,) and sat with him nearly every other week for months. What I thought would be a process to deepen my astrological work, really became a process to deepen my relationship with myself, to help me regulate my nervous system, a process to build trust in myself and to build trust with others through honest, clear, confrontational communication of my feelings and needs. My work with him opened me up to so many new ways of being. It was accountability and hope and trust and encouragement that was all so needed while I struggled through seemingly endless crisis and challenge. It was encouragement to deepen my relationship with the world around me, to build curiosity and play- things I’m still working on. I see so many more possibilities ahead of me now as this chapter of my life closes.
Through this last year, I found myself leaning deeper into my relationship with human design, something that has played a big role in connecting deeper to myself. I sat back as I saw my connection to astrology, and my place in the connected community, seemingly fade. A grieving process I’ve only recently been facing as I’ve watched this thing that felt so important to me move into the background of my life. Design feels like it chose me, and I love design for endless reasons, but astrology has been this ever present thing in my life for nearly two decades. Attention that I hadn’t found for anything else up until recently.
This last month has seemingly brought back a little light to this area of my life. I’m watching a spark re-emerge for my interest in astrology. A realization that maybe this last year really required more from me than to study. It has been a year of rest. It has been a year of building new structures in my life, a year of connecting me to my authentic self. It has been a year of processing and letting go, unlike any other. Really surrendering to allowing time and attention, awareness, to play its role in the shifts happening in my life.
But as this 8h year nears its end, I can see that light on the other side growing. I feel hopeful for this new year, my 9h jupiter year. The kind of hope I’ve been contemplating much of this last week, that is found in my exalted venus placement, who will be highlighted in the coming year because of her presence in that area of my chart. Her endless hope, despite the lack of blossoming love each year, that this next one will be the year for new love. It’s humorous and endearing. A never ending belief that something good will come. With her, there is always room for dreaming and hope and lightness. And I’m glad for it.
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