From time to time I find myself contemplating joy and playfulness. I, myself, have a 12th house Mars-ruled 5th house, the 5th house being a house of creativity, play, and child-like joy. I recently had a reading with an astrologer, Suzy of Chariot, where she shared with me her forecasting techniques. In this reading, we discussed the shift I more recently experienced, from a Mars-ruled decade to a Jupiter-ruled one. This discovery was strongly resonant for me as I spent much of my young adulthood finding myself in newly experienced traumas and the aftermath of, not only, coming to terms with them, but trying my best to move through the life-changing waves made through it all. Much of these past five years have required much grieving and just plain, old release. And the shift has felt true, especially in consideration of my current profection lords, Jupiter and Venus, adding that much more of a benefic tint to my immediate world. The question of ‘what does creativity, joy, desire look like in my life?’ comes up quietly in the forefront of my very malefic mind, one ruled by Saturn, one that struggles to find lightness in the day to day, making light of the heft of the world where I can.
As I write this, Venus has just stationed retrograde in the sign of Leo. Leo, a sign of creativity, of the heart, of authentic expression. Leo always feels like such a misunderstood sign, from my own experience, I can understand why this is the case. We live in a world where our own voice, our own true expression, our authentic selves are hidden away for fear of rejection. This axis of Leo and Aquarius is, in my opinion, so much about authenticity, finding peace and comfort and appreciation for exactly who we are, within ourselves, despite what others may think or feel. Venus, the planet of beauty, adoration, the arts, in the sign of Leo feels like such a luxurious, sensorial energy. Venus desires to be seen so authentically in her glory here. It’s been such a pleasure to witness her low in the sky at sunset lately, watching her bright in the sky, set amongst the pink light of the end of day.
Venus also rules over our relationship to the world, to the other. If we consider the current south node, Libra, a Venus ruled sign, is the classic people pleaser. It considers the implications of its actions upon the other, sometimes above its own well being. With Venus stationing retrograde through Leo, this sign of authentic expression, ruled by the Sun, the planet of vital life force itself, we can ask ourselves where we have been neglecting our own needs. Venus, as a benefic planet, can find itself over indulging from time to time. Any Venus in Pisces native can tell you as much. Indulgence can be sweet when it is done in moderation, but when we indulge in order to escape or place others above our own needs, our cup may find itself empty often.
Something I’ve sat with off and on for a long while now is this idea of how to find, or cultivate a sense of joy. Within my work with my mentor, Cameron Allen, I have been pushed toward cultivating play and desire in my day to day. With my Saturnian nature, this has felt like quite the chore. These are things I struggle to connect with on a regular basis, finding glimpses of them slowly over time, surprised by their presence on a random Tuesday. There are many reasons I could list to explain this experience away, but over this process, I have discovered these glimpses as key bits of information to tuck away and garner deeper insight over time.
A bike ride in the old neighborhoods of the little city I called home for the last decade, music blaring in my ears as the cool evening breeze brushed against my damp skin. A beer in my bike’s basket, prepared for a seat on the lawn by the sea wall at the park for sunset. The pin prick of rain on my hand, hanging out of my car window, driving 60 miles an hour down some greenway in the Eastern US, music streaming through my car’s speakers. Not a soul to be seen, just me and the open road and the rain reminding me that I’m alive. And today, a clean space, a cared for body, and tart berries and a glass of white wine while I lounge in the heat of the evening sun, sinking lower by the moment, listening to bossanova bands over my portable speaker on the front porch of my current, temporary home.
This Leo season, this Venus retrograde season through the sign of Leo, let us be reminded to care for our bodies, to care for our well being, forgetting to worry what others think or feel in this world that takes so easily from our cup. This Leo season, let us fill our own, allowing ourselves to discover exactly what it is that brings us contentment, joy, and fills us with desire. Let us make love to ourselves, let us romance ourselves through these simple acts of turning the mundane into these special, magical moments. Moments we dedicate to us, ourselves.
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